NBC5.com, July 22, 2007
VICTORIA BECKHAM DETERMINED TO STRIKE INSIDE U.S.
By Tom Kolovos
Memo to Condi Rice:
Ignore this at your own peril. ( I know the last time you screwed up, you got promoted from National Security Advisor to Secretary of State, but I have a feeling this time you'll have to be held accountable.)
Victoria Beckham has hit American shores! Yes, Victoria, wife of superstar soccer player David (as in Bend it Like) Beckham. You may have seen them both on the cover of the August W. (No, not your W, but the magazine.) There's much, much more of them on the pages inside. You say you have no recollection? I see….
Did you happen to catch the NBC hour long reality show of her arrival to Los Angeles? Reality shows really aren't your thing? I should have known.
Perhaps you've been busy re-reading the Baker/Hamilton Iraq Study Group recommendations–oh, wait you said you don't like reality shows. Well, in any case let me catch you up, girl.
The special starts in Spain, just as the Beckhams are finishing up shooting their very risque spread for W. (No, not that W. Please pay attention this time.) Victoria has to come to Los Angeles, with her makeup artist and hairdresser in tow, to prepare for her family's arrival.
That basically means she has to hire a personal assistant for herself, buy a mansion (she had planned on that), and get a valid driver's license (poor thing had no idea she had to do this until she got pulled over and discovered her European license was not gonna cut it. Who knew?)
Those pesky aliens, I know, Condi.
Anyway, hillarity ensues as Victoria (Secret Service Name: Posh Spice) goes to the DMV, puts Perez Hilton in his place, and learns how to throw a baseball. The segment where she meets her socialite Beverly Hills neighbors is priceless. These women have had more work done to them than the reports of WMD in Iraq. (Oh, now you get it. Funny, right?)
Advance word was we were all supposed to hate her, since Posh is much reviled in the UK–confirm that with Tony Blair, he's not busy these days–as a hauty, humorless, robotic, anorexic, rhymes with rich (as they used to say about Nancy Reagan).
Well, surprise, surprise, she's the best thing to hit American television and America since the early episodes of "Absolutely Fabulous" originally aired on Comedy Central.
Condi, how can I describe Posh if you've not seen the NBC reality special documenting her arrival to Los Angeles? Here's my best shot:
She's got Anna Nicole's tenuous hold on reality–but she's sober; Kathy Griffin's wit, and determined self promotion–but she's on the A list; Donatella Versace's high heels go with everything and everywhere lifestyle –but her native tongue is English.
They don't call her Posh for nothing.
The conceit of American culture is that the rich and famous are just like you and me. Posh, refreshingly, shows us otherwise. (Of course, so did Scooter Libby, but you already knew that one.)
So I say, move over Obama girl and Guiliani girl. Victoria Beckham is in the house, and "that's major!"
Ignore her at your own peril.
